Emotional marathon

After abandoning this blog for decades, I am back.
Not because it calls out to me. God, I even forgot that this exists.
I'm just upset right now.
Being upset turns me into a monster. I feel like punching something or someone. Even throwing myself from a one hundred-story building.
But blabbing in twitter doesn't sound good. And I don't have anybody to talk to. So here I am. Phrasing my anger into the world of the virtual.

I hate how things don't go smoothly as I expected. I hate how my face frowns even when I am in my most joyful mood. I hate having expectation of people treating me as good as I wish. I hate how my mom often doesn't keep her promise. I hate when I hear people laugh when I'm mad, as if they were laughing at my childish trait. I hate how I hate people. I hate being close to someone, because I know there will be one point in my life where she/he will disappoint me, it's always a circle I can not avoid. I hate how I always look like an ugly duckling in every goddamned photo ever taken in my life. I hate how I call myself solitaire just to deny the fact that I want attention. I hate how people hate me. I hate how people act nice in front of me as if I didn't know what kind of things they said behind. I hate how I overthink simple matter. I hate how I always consider people's opinions are important. I hate living up to expectation. I hate how people say I'm rude and bad fuck you you are nobody I have every right to be rude. I hate pushing people away, hah just joking. I love pushing people away, because I'm good at it. I hate feeling special. I hate feeling anything at all. If only they sold device to turn it off I would gladly buy them.

But mostly, I hate how I will regret posting this on the internet. How I quickly said I hate everything and shit.
P.S : I only need refreshment, sorry for making your eyes ache.