.

Life is bigger than the things you learn at school.
Life is bigger than the jacket you will be wearing.
Life is bigger than the problems that haunt you and leave you desperate.
Life is bigger than +4, -1, and 0.

Emotional marathon

After abandoning this blog for decades, I am back.
Not because it calls out to me. God, I even forgot that this exists.
I'm just upset right now.
Being upset turns me into a monster. I feel like punching something or someone. Even throwing myself from a one hundred-story building.
But blabbing in twitter doesn't sound good. And I don't have anybody to talk to. So here I am. Phrasing my anger into the world of the virtual.

I hate how things don't go smoothly as I expected. I hate how my face frowns even when I am in my most joyful mood. I hate having expectation of people treating me as good as I wish. I hate how my mom often doesn't keep her promise. I hate when I hear people laugh when I'm mad, as if they were laughing at my childish trait. I hate how I hate people. I hate being close to someone, because I know there will be one point in my life where she/he will disappoint me, it's always a circle I can not avoid. I hate how I always look like an ugly duckling in every goddamned photo ever taken in my life. I hate how I call myself solitaire just to deny the fact that I want attention. I hate how people hate me. I hate how people act nice in front of me as if I didn't know what kind of things they said behind. I hate how I overthink simple matter. I hate how I always consider people's opinions are important. I hate living up to expectation. I hate how people say I'm rude and bad fuck you you are nobody I have every right to be rude. I hate pushing people away, hah just joking. I love pushing people away, because I'm good at it. I hate feeling special. I hate feeling anything at all. If only they sold device to turn it off I would gladly buy them.

But mostly, I hate how I will regret posting this on the internet. How I quickly said I hate everything and shit.
P.S : I only need refreshment, sorry for making your eyes ache.

turn the music up

"The heart is beating so fast without the owner even knows why. Maybe some kind of invisible reaction just happened that only the universe knew"

It's me posting after a very long interval from the last post (like alwaysssss). And I'm on my brown oxford shoes now. I don't know. I sorta have a hobby of wearing my shoes in my room. OKAY. Forget it. This is stupid, really -_-

Just got my monthly Gogirl! magazine guysssss. It's summer already (not in Indonesia, I mean, becos we have summer everyday) so the articles, pictures, outfits are Summer related and they all amuse my eyes (huwat is this). The beginning of Summer also means....SALE EVERYWHERE. Booyah! This month feels like the second December. I feel like having Christmas already with sale everywhere.

KAY, enough with all the silly opening. I totally have no idea what of what I have just typed. And I'm totally clueless of how to make a good opening so just forgive meh.

This post shall be an opening mark to my promise which is NOT TO ABANDON THIS ABANDONED BLOG. Seriously. This may sound like a total nonsense but I'm going to try, you know. Because it's just sad to see this blog empty like this. So I'll try my best to write on this blog about anything possible that is worth-shared ^^

THE END.

(I'm not good at opening and closing a post, guys. Well, at everything basically, sooooo yeah)

Girls over boys? or vice versa?

(note before reading: this is just a RANDOM thought, really. never intend to hurt anyone's or certain people's feeling. freedom ftw!)

weird title, huh? I decided to blog a little. I didn't even know what to post at first, but a flash plus random thought suddenly came up to me. and taa-daa this is it. I'll just yap something about *drumroll, please* human relationship. (or so it's called)

to be precise, I'm not gonna talk about anything related to dating kind relationship. who am I kidding. me? talking about that? you ain't got shit. KAY BACK TO THE POINT. I was just wondering about which friendship is better, girl-and-girl-friendship or girl-and-boy-friendship.

As far as I've experienced, both of these have their own good and downside. Let me clear my points, fellow dudes and dudettes.

Girl-and-girl-friendship:

great thing about this is that you'll have great time of gossiping (yes, people, of course). they're more sensitive towards others. very caring and comforting. you could shop together like tomorrow's the end of the world, do girlie thingies (which I absolutely love!), trade compliments, style others, and stuffs.

bad thing about this is that IT'S GIRLS, people. we're sensitive bitches. we (yes, from the first person point of view) might not say a word about something but we could keep it in our heart and that could stink (what?). and of course, jealousy. girls are longing for rivalry. and everybody becomes the same strangers for us when it comes to this thing.

Girl-and-boy-relationship:

great thing about this is that we (at least myself) don't need to feel anxious about stuff we have just said just cause we think it might hurt their heart. that's how boys roll. they're simple. they are not really demanding I think.

bad thing about this is that you might be careful for not falling for your own boy-bestfriend. I'm serious on this because I personally don't believe about a very close relationship between these two opposite sexual without them, at least one of 'em, falling for another.

I myself think that I'd be really cool to have boy-bestfriends. Since it seems way, and I mean it, much simpler than girl-bestfriends. But I guess that might not be a perfect deal, huh? 'Cause nothing beats the excitement we scream from top of our lungs when we have something to gossip for; which is basically our own lives, people's lives, stupidity, and of course BOYS, d'oh.

And above all, underline this, that it all depends on the kind of people you're dealing with. Some girls are real angels but some others are serious bitches. Some boys are seriously cool lads but others are just pathetic losers. Just be aware, you guise. Befriend at your own risk!

Me? I'm just a pretty normal gal. But, to quote someone's twitter bio, that just depends on your definition of normal! Kudos.

Quickie Postie

Haloha. Let me have this clear. I solemnly swear that I have no intention to neglect and abandon this blog. But a friend of mine, called Laziness seduced me to. But then her frenemy called Self-consciousness knocked my head hard and reminded my why I blog at the first place.

Yiha! Sorry for being so lame. I just made that story up all of a sudden. To be true, I don't even know what to post here. I'm running out of ideas. Life has been a mess lately. My skirt got ripped when I tried to climb my house's gate and thank God nobody saw it because I pretty much looked like a mental thief with high idiocy level. *le sigh* But guess what? Now I'm so happy that it happened. Because remembering it is really amusing and make me think of how idiot I can be.

Enough with the silly story of mine. Let's get right to what I want to post (now I finally decide, eh?). I watched this movie about a week ago and I fell in love with its quirkiness, its awkwardness, and everything in it. Submarine, it is.

Noo, I don't wanna post any review about it. It'll end up as a spoiler anyway if I write it. This movie is a must if you're a fan of coming-of-age movie or quirky movie with witty dialogue or good soundtrack of just a fan of British movie (yeah, basically everything). You'd not regret it, I'll make sure 100%. It tells you life of a teenage boy with all puberty thingy which ALL OF US EVER EXPERIENCE.

Go now, like right now to the nearest download website or buy the dvd. (this is not a paid-post)

That's it.

Ciao.

How I act

Comeback with not so many to tell. Hehe, here here hear.
I got so fed up with life recently. Fyuh. So full of drama. Tired of watching, playing, being a part of drama.

Eum here I got a confession to make.
I may act childish. I may laugh a lot. I may smile. I may make jokes. I may stay calm.
Yes, I do it in front of, dear beloved friends.
Have you ever seen how I act in front of my family?
I act angry. I speak rarely. Sometimes I speak a lot, but get ignored. I laugh when it's necessary.
So it's pretty much the contrary, the opposite.

I may laugh a lot in the school, because I don't do it a lot at home.
I may act childish in front of you guys, because I can't.
I may speak a lot, complain a lot, because I don't really talk in the family.
Well, yeah, pretty much.

I really apologize for being a super bitch to you. I'm sorry. I'm just like this. Uncontrollable. Moody. Messed up.

I'm not saying that I'm not happy at home. I am. It's just the way I get it at home and school is different. Some of you may think that I cover my all gloomy and dark attitude at home by being so childish,noisy,and bla-bla whatever. Yeah, you could call me so. But it's the way I want to have fun with you guys, because I can't find any other ways.


That's it I guess. Weird, eh?
Tell you what, I'm gonna have malua in two weeks more, WHOA. And next week, I'll have the tests. And at the end of the month, I'll have the semester exams. SUPER WHOA MONTH YEA. Okay, gotta go do bio task yeah. Wish me luck :D